“Look then at the faces and bodies of people you love.  The explicit beauty that comes not from smoothness of skin or neutrality of expression, but from the web of experience that has left its mark.  Each face, each body is its own living fossilized, record.

A record of cats, combatants, difficult births; of accidents, cruelties, blessings  Reminders of folly, greed, indiscretion, impatience.  A moment of time, of memory, preserved, internalized, and enshrined within and upon the body.

You need not be told that these records are what render your beloved beautiful.

If God exists, He is there, in the small, cast-off pieces, rough and random and not two alike”.

From Broken for You by Stephanie Kallos

WE CAN BE SO CRUEL

We can all be so cruel to ourselves, never more so than from the inside out! In fact, so many of the people who come to me for coaching truly hate themselves in fact! They have internalized all the negative people and experiences of their lives and created an internal “VOICE” that criticizes them all the time, 24/7 day and night.

“THE VOICE” SPEAKS WHEN YOU SPEAK

That VOICE seems to get even louder when any of us get up to speak in front of a crowd. It is as if we don’t need any of “those people” who criticized us early or late in our lives anymore. We have placed their face on the face of every person out in the crowd, and we seem to “hear” their critical VOICE everywhere, loud and mean.

THERE IS HOPE FOR US ALL

It is my firm belief that all of us learn to embrace these negative internal VOICES and in so doing, we can learn to love ourselves. I have seen this happen over and over in the lives of the speakers around the world who come to me for coaching.

You may not think this is possible for you right now,  but I am here to tell you it is. You can have hope and those negative internal VOICES can be resolved. You are a deserving human being worthy of LOVE

Most importantly as a speaker and as the quote above says, “each face, each body is its own living fossilized, record” and contain “a moment of time, of memory, preserved, internalized, and enshrined within and upon the body” is all the raw materials containing all the great stories for all of your speeches and presentations too!

As Ironic as it may sound, it is all THAT STUFF in YOUR STORIES and EXPERIENCES that the people in your audiences so eagerly want to hear about. Your STORIES and EXPERIENCES make you who you are, unique and wonderful.

LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES

Let’s consider resolving to truly consider Loving Ourselves. And that means ALL of us..all the ups and downs, highs and lows, triumphs and tragedies, warts and all.

Have you ever been in front of a really important audience with
something really important to say and the words suddenly get all balled
up in your mouth? I call these moments VERBAL HAIRBALLS.

SO WHAT IS A VERBAL HAIRBALL ANYWAY?

I
have been studying VERBAL HAIRBALLS for quite some time now. It seems
they most often arise when a person doesn’t ever practice their speech
out loud. Public speaking is of course a VERBAL medium and yet I am
constantly amazed at how many times a person will SAY they practiced a
speech, but their “practice” has been all IN THEIR HEAD and never actually OUT LOUD.

FIVE SIMPLE STEPS TO CONQUER VERBAL HAIRBALLS FOREVER!

The object of any great speech is to have it SOUND LIKE YOU. If it sounds like you speak in real life, it’s just right.

Here are five simple steps to avoid those persnickety VERBAL HAIRBALLS forever!

1. As
   you are writing your speech, say the lines out loud, perhaps a
   paragraph at a time. You will quickly discover what sounds like you and
   what doesn’t. We all tend to write much more formally than we speak so
   reading the lines of your speech out loud will give you very a quick
   idea of whether it sounds like you or some encyclopedia….excuse
   me….wikipedia.
2. If anything you hear out loud sounds funny or
   not you or just plain “Off” you can be sure it will become a VERBAL
   HAIRBALL when you are speaking under pressure. So if you find any word
   or phrase or  ANYTHING that feels “Off,” or just doesn’t feel or sound
   right to your own ear, it’s a VERBAL HAIRBALL in the making. So, change
   the wording until it sounds right to you when you read it again out
   loud. Don’t be upset or worried if this takes a few tries to get it
   right. Sometimes words or lines need to be played around with and
   changed a few times until they feel “just right” and just like you
   speak in real life. If you get stuck, read it out loud to someone you
   trust and ask their ideas about how to rephrase the word or line. Or
   call me. That’s what I’m here for.
3. Practice everything out
   loud, yes your entire speech, at least twenty times (yes that was 20)
   BEFORE the actual day of your speech. Take it to bed with you and read
   it out loud before you go to sleep and when you first wake up. That
   counts as two. 18 more to go.
4. Depending on whether you have
   waited until the very last second to write your speech, (and most
   people do since they hate public speaking so darn much) you will either
   be reading a LOT the day before or several times each day in the week
   leading up to your speech.
5. I prefer that my clients take
   the leisurely approach and have their speech done the WEEK before so
   the reading out loud can really “settle in to their body and their
   speaking bones.” But hey, if you really like pressure, go ahead and
   wait until the last minute. You will be in the company of some really
   terrific and very talented people who choose to do it that way. And
   while they might sometimes, but not often, even pull it off, YOU most likely will be setting yourself up to be a SITTING DUCK for a VERBAL HAIRBALL. At the same time, you will probably even reinforce your dread and loathing of public speaking even deeper. But why do that when there is such an EASY SOLUTION?

VERBAL HAIRBALLS BEGONE FOREVER!

So take the
pressure off of yourself! Get your speech written EARLY!!
Practice everything you are going to say OUT LOUD!!!  Find and change
every VERBAL HAIRBALL BEFORE the VERBAL HAIRBALL gets YOU under
pressure. I promise if you do these five simple steps you will PROUDLY say
goodbye to VERBAL HAIRBALLS FOREVER!

Here is the link if you want to check it out!

http://www.theleadershipinstitute-wwp.org/digest/default.aspx?topic=Public%20Speaking

• Be clear about your area of ability or expertise which qualifies and also compels you to speak.

• Be passionate about your subject.

• Come up with a compelling story about your subject and tell that first.

• Finally, layer in the facts about your subject area of expertise which back up and enhance your original story.

• Have fun!

If you do these five simple things, your speaking will be AMAZING!

WHY THE AMYDALLA IS SO IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND

As far as storytelling goes, here’s an interesting fact:  Did you know that studies on the brain by Cornell, Harvard and MIT show no one makes a decision that is not first started in the amydalla of the brain, the more emotional part of the brain?

The amydalla has shown in research to perform a primary role in the processing and memory of emotional reactions,

HOW YOU HOOK EM- YOUR AUDIENCE THAT IS

Once a person’s brain is “hooked” by an emotion, which in our case would mean a great story that provokes a positive response in the minds or bodies of our listeners, the brain then can “legitimize” any facts. In a marketing sense. This allows people, your listeners, to also be compelled to buy or do anything.

In other words, hook them first with a great story. Then the “facts” become more compelling and reach deeper into the brain thus compelling your listeners to pay attention and from a marketing sense, buy more of whatever you want them to buy, or do what you want them to do.

Fascinating huh? Once you know this, you truly have the “Keys To The Kingdom” as far as successful professional speaking goes!

YOU ARE NOT SO FAR OFF AS YOU MAY THINK

In other words, with these five keys in mind, you are not as far away from your speaking goals as you may think!!!

Hope that helps. Feel free to send any more questions or concerns my way. What have you observed while you’ve been speaking that has “hooked” your audience?

I thought all of you might enjoy it…..

What are your most favorite classical pieces of music? I’d love to know….

Let me say this, right here, at the get go:

Great communication skills are not only essential to our business lives. They are the foundation and bedrock of a happy fulfilling life too.

So let’s get started.

NOW YOU HAVE A REAL LIVE AUDIENCE: YIKES!

So now you have your speech all written out and it’s time for you to face an actual AUDIENCE and give a speech or presentation. Whether it is an audience of one or a thousand, you’re probably really nervous.

UH OH! THEY’RE WATCHING!

I thought so! Jeez, I can hear you all whining, pouting and screaming from here!

START TALKING…

Well from my experience, here is the typical conversation I will probably have with you at some point in your professional speaking career when you work with me. Let’s just get it all out in the open right here, right now:

(YOU) “UH OHHHH!!! I have to give a SPEECH! YIKES! ALL those PEOPLE!”

(MA) “You got a problem with people? They’re only people after all.”

(YOU:) “Only people? Are you kidding me? That means I have to get up there, ALL BY MYSELF, and face a HUGE sea of PEOPLE! All those EYEBALLS…..”

(MA) “Yup. That’s right. And your point?”

(YOU) “Oh great, you’re a big help. Don’t you understand me Mary Anne? I’m gonna DIE out there! In fact, I’m feeling SICK TO MY STOMACH already just thinking about it. They  probably won’t like ME or ANYTHING I have to SAY!”

(MA) “Not necessarily.”

(YOU) “Clearly you just don’t get it Mary Anne! Even a WHITE HOT POKER IN MY EYE or A ROOT CANAL sounds better than giving a speech!”

(MA) “Wow. We sure have hit a nerve here haven’t we?”

(YOU) “Actually, I’m HYPERVENTILATING here! DO something before I start looking for the nearest bridge! I swear, jumping off a bridge even sounds better than giving a speech!”

(MA) “There’s always the “Leap Of Faith” option….

 SO WHAT ABOUT THAT LEAP OF FAITH?

It does take great courage and a “Leap Of Faith” to get help on your public speaking. But why waste another moment putting it off when you can feel so much better by fixing whatever is bothering you right now?

So what’s up for you?

What’s bothering you about your current public speaking skills? Or, if you feel that you’ve got your own public speaking down cold, what advice or new skill has helped you along the way?

Let me say this, right here, at the get go: Great communication skills are not only essential to our business lives. They are the foundation and bedrock of a happy fulfilling life
too.

So how can you possibly, ever, ever, ever in your wildest dreams, ever, learn to be at ease in front of any audience?

TRY THIS: ONE PAIR OF EYEBALLS AT A TIME

Next time you have to get up in front of an audience to give a speech or presentation, try this technique:

STEP ONE: DIVIDE YOUR AUDIENCE INTO THREE SECTIONS

• Divide your audience into three sections: Right, Center and Left

STEP TWO: PICK OR PLANT A PAIR OF EYEBALLS

• Start in the Center Section and pick one face to talk to. Yes that’s right. One face, with one pair of eyeballs in the center section of the audience.
• If
  you can, try to pick a face that looks receptive and who is smiling at you,
  not someone who is scowling, falling asleep, text messaging or tweeting.
• If
  you have to, plant a friend or colleague in each R, C and L sections* as
  a sure bet. Tell them to give you a big smile and do the “two thumbs
  up” sign every time you look at them.
• Trust me. It works. With your friends out there smiling up at you and making you feel like a superstar, how bad can that big, scary speech be?
• Unless,
  of course your planted friends start text messaging, tweeting, sleeping or scowling too….
• *Note on the “Planted Friends Option:” Before
  your speech, be sure to impress upon your planted friends who are going to be out there cheering you on of your specific need for them to FOCUS!-FOCUS!-FOCUS! YEAH, ON YOU!

STEP THREE: TALK TO THAT PAIR OF EYEBALLS

• So now, just talk to that Center Section pair of eyeballs and deliver just ONE of your key points.

• Next, turn to the Right Section of your audience, find just ONE other face. Yes,that’s right, another one pair of eyeballs, now in the right section. Then deliver your SECOND POINT to those two eyeballs. 

• Finally,
  turn to the Left Section, find a third face, uh huh, that’s a third
  pair of eyeballs (you’re really getting the hang of it now aren’t you?)
  and deliver your THIRD POINT to them.

STEP FOUR: KEEP ROTATING SECTIONS

• Keep rotating, delivering each one point of your speech, to one pair of eyeballs, per section, at a time.
• You
  will find that this technique really reduces your speech down to a much more
  manageable audience during your entire speech.
• Instead of wanting to
  flee those five hundred eyeballs on you all at once, you have now
  reduced the number of eyeballs out there (Yeah, in that “HUGE SEA of people”) down to ONLY ONE PAIR AT A TIME.

EVERY SPEECH, NO MATTER HOW LARGE THE AUDIENCE, WILL BE EASIER!
 
This approach to public speaking should feel much more comfortable for you because it is, in fact, HOW YOU TALK to people every day in your life! (Unless you are a chronic interrupter and then we have a new issue.)

This technique will also improve the quality of your gaze and make it more natural.
If you use this technique, you will look more at ease and your speech will also feel much more personal to your audience.

EVERYBODY LIKES MORE POWER AND CONTROL

When you really stop and think about it, approaching your speech this way, you have much  more power and
control up there.

YOU get to PICK which pair
of eyeballs, and on which person to whom you are going to talk.  Thus, “The Chosen Few” gets EACH ONE of your precious jewel points.

Yeah. Blow off all those
“scowlers” out there. It’s your show!

DOESN’T THIS APPROACH LEAVE EVERYONE ELSE IN MY AUDIENCE FEELING LEFT OUT?
You may think that this approach will leave everybody else in the audience feeling left out. Actually, it’s just the opposite.

There’s actually an kind of “optical illusion” that happens inside the minds and hearts of your audience when you speak this way:  While they are sitting there watching you, everyone FEELS like you are talking straight to to THEM.

SO WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?

So what’s up with you on this topic of Fear Of Public Speaking and what have you done to solve it in your own life? Talk with me….

But honestly, most shrug their shoulders and say, “I just don’t get it. Why should I care? It all just looks like such a waste of time. Isn’t all of this Social Media stuff just another passing trend?”

Today I read a GREAT blog on Social Media from Chris Brogan.

Here’s one of his thoughts, “You don’t have to do any of this. You can just keep doing what you’re doing. But if you’re wondering why social media stuff isn’t working well for you, look at the list above and decide whether you’re giving this work the effort and intent that it requires.”

Check out his list of seven ways on “How to Be Naked (and then, how not).” It’s GREAT!

Here’s the link:

http://www.chrisbrogan.com/be-naked/

And please let me know if this resource was helpful to you by making a comment. I hope it sheds some light on the subject for you.

By the way, the “Two Suits, No Tats and All Business” guys I took the class “What Every Executive Needs To Know about Social Media” from, Blaine Millet and Clay Loges have agreed to be on my Blog Talk Radio Show, “Business Off The Beaten Path” next Tuesday at 9:00 AM. Please join us as we dig deeper in to this subject of Social Media and how it applies to you and your business.

Stay tuned for more on this subject….our conversation will continue…

These have been my questions for some time now:

WHAT IS SOCIAL MEDIA?

• What is Social Media, how does it work and where should I focus my time and attention? 
• What do I really need to know about it?
• How do all the different choices out there such as Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, MySpace etc all work together or do they?
• How can I leverage the different Social Media to bring more attention to my business?
• What kind of time should I really be spending each week blogging and learning new skills that will really help me keep up with the pace of change in the world of Social Media?

The list of my questions goes on and on it seems. Well today, many of my most important questions were finally answered!

MY QUESTIONS GET SOME ANSWERS FINALLY!

This morning I took the most fascinating class on social media with Blaine Millet, Co Founder and President of CEI, Customer Experiences Inc and Clay Loges, Founder and CEO  of Yodio. They explained that “Social Media is an umbrella term for a variety of tools and activities that enhance communication.”

I loved the class and learned so much about how to understand, leverage and link social media such as Twitter, Linked In, Facebook and others. Each of these distinct and different social media are then built around a central communication strategy that links back to one’s blog.

It’s definitely a new way to communicate and reach your audience which is as Blaine and Clay put it: “faster, cheaper and deeper” than traditional marketing methods.

THE GOAL OF SOCIAL MEDIA

The old days of traditional marketing are over it seems. The goal of social media is to “get more attention and build both stronger and more relationship equity.” It is also about “making those relationships faster and deeper.”

The center of the Social Media Universe is The Blog where you control the content and “build  a persona that people want to follow.” The way they explained this was that “People connect to you because it is YOU they want to connect to. So either BE YOU or Be GONE!”

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT EITHER!

One of the most important things communicated this morning was the fact that you don’t have to be perfect on all of these various tools. This is a hard concept for those of us perfectionists out there. We have a hard time letting go of something until it is polished and perfect.

Blaine and Clay believe that the trend in TV and out on the internet in your blog is to reveal “the story behind the story.” It is this “story behind the story” that is most interesting to your audience and has the potential to totally endear  you and your company to that “opted in” audience.

GET TO THIS CLASS AND LEARN MORE ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA AND HOW IT ALL WORKS!

For those of you who really want an opportunity to unpack all these confusing terms and issues, I urge you to consider taking Blaine and Clay’s class. It’s only a few hours of your time, it’s reasonable in price and well worth the effort to drag yourself out of the office to learn something that might make all this Social Media world a little less overwhelming.

CHANGE IS COMING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT

Change is coming. A new way of communicating and reaching your audience through all the various choices of Social Media is here now. We all need to learn to begin to “bridge the gap” between the
way things used to be done and work and how they are evolving and working now. This knowledge will help us all in how we promote and leverage our individual brands using all these Social Media tools!

In fact, I would say Blaine and Clay’s class a really terrific
opportunity to get out in front of this Social Media trend that is
coming whether you like it, understand it, want it to happen or not!

CONTACT BLAINE AND CLAY TO FIND OUT MORE!

I learned so much about how CIO’s can become better business leaders within their companies.

One of the most important points John raised in the interview was his statement regarding hope:

“I
want the CEO to know that they can have hope that they can get value
out of IT and reap the benefots three times over. And I want the CIO’s
to know that they don’t have to live their entire career in fear. There
is a way for them to be and feel successful.”

It’s a great interview! Don’t miss it! Click here to listen to John Hughes, Founder, GrowthWave.

BACKGROUND ON JOHN HUGHES

John has been an
IT leader for more than twenty years and has passionately focused on
helping technology organizations make a greater impact on business
results. Through GrowthWave, John advises CEOs how to get the greatest
results from their IT organizations, provides Interim CIO talent, and
coaches CIOs to become business leaders within IT. John says, “IT
organizations that know how to put the business first become
significant contributors to business success.”

GrowthWave was born out of John’s desire to provide CEOs the help they
need to build effective IT organizations and CIO’s the coaching they need to become significant
contributors to business growth and profitability.
John’s career has spanned industries such as travel, hospitality, banking,
insurance, manufacturing and retail.  Prior to starting
his own business in 2005, John was CIO of Trendwest Resorts, and VP of
IT Strategy and Business Alignment for a $1.5B hospitality company.

You can reach John Hughes by clicking on this link: www.growthwave.com or you can call him at 425-894-1842.

THE INTERVIEW

1. Why do CEO’s so often complain that they don’t get value out of IT?
2. When you are advising your CEO clients, what do they tell you?  What do they ask you?  What do you tell them?
3. How can companies get more out of their technology investments?
4. What should CEOs be expecting from their IT organizations during the current economic downturn?
5. Why do most companies have the CIO and IT reporting to the CFO?  Is this the right organizational approach?
6. Why do CIOs fail?
7. When you get confidential moments with CIOs, what do they tell you?  What do you tell them?
8. Why is there so much turnover in the CIO role?
9.How can a CIO get a seat at the executive/strategic table?
10. What is the truth about business-IT alignment?

It’s a great interview. Don’t miss it! Click here to listen to John Hughes, Founder, GrowthWave.